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For all my big mistakes.

uber-alles:

Snowdrops by Louise Gluck 

Do you know what I was, how I lived? You know

what despair is; then
winter should have meaning for you.

I did not expect to survive,
earth suppressing me. I didn’t expect
to waken again, to feel
in damp earth my body
able to respond again, remembering
after so long how to open again
in the cold light
of earliest spring—

afraid, yes, but among you again
crying yes risk joy

in the raw wind of the new world.

  • Reblogged from til human voices wake us
  • Tags:
    • I cried
    • I've never read this before and this is exactly what winters are like for me every single year
    • every year I end up thinking that this winter has been better
    • there have been less self-harm less self-sabotage
    • and then in the spring it is a painful reawakening
    • I am so happy so exquisitely happy
    • and the winter in comparison is far better than my first but so much farther than where I am come the spring
    • it just paints all of those months in dull regret
    • like fuck I did it again
    • it happened again god dammit it happens like this every year
    • but I get better every year too and I open up again
    • I survive and waken again
    • and I can smell the plants in the air
    • (my favorite thing in the spring)
    • and I can tell the days are longer
    • and that hope is coming back again
    • it's good
    • this was good
    • poetry
  • January 17, 2012, 10:22pm

          13 notes

  • Permalink

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